Friday, November 30, 2012

Of Misters And The Methanol

You know, if I weren't married, I'd probably be that girl bitching about how all my friends are married.

I mean, what is it with women and the need to belong anyway? Half the women I know are married just because the other half are. And the ones that aren't, are usually are getting drunk and cheering in bars because they really have nothing to cheer about.

I'm sorry, was that offensive?


Oh and the string of destructive boyfriends! I asked this particular friend of mine who had a jerk for a boyfriend about why she puts up with his non-sense. Seriously, this guy left her stranded in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night! Without batting an eyelid, she says, "I love him, we even went to this wedding together."
Really. That's what you're going with? Come on. Come on!

I know I sound silly and oxy-moronic that I'm married and I'm bitching about women that are getting married thinking this is what I'd do if I weren't married but I'm not. Silly that is. I am oxy-moronic.

My head hurts too.

Wait, I know I had a point in there somewhere.
The point is, ladies, don't settle. Don't put up with shit, in the name of love and other non-sense.

If you've been reading so far looking for a profound ending, congratulations. You've only ended up with barf post all the methanol.
I did not need that picture in my head before I went to bed. On that note, bon nuit.

P.S. - Note that I've labelled 'cancer' on this post. Yes, it is that bad.
P.P.S. - I'm also that lazy to look up the correct spelling for 'bon nuit'.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Serotonin AWOL

I've hit rock bottom, once again and there are very very few things that make me want to drag myself out of bed. So I've decided to make list of things I can look back on when I'm left wanting for a silver lining.

1. Sleep it off :
That basically means don't bother getting out of bed in the first place. Come to think of it, it's a plan as good as any.

2. Happy Music :
Vote for song of the month and listen to it on repeat. 
Note to self : This song cannot suck, since my sanity depends on it.
Song for current month : Can't Smile Without you, by Barry Manilow

3. Chocolate :
In all its forms! Being partial towards rum and raisin flavored chocolate is accepted and also expected.
Or a mug of steaming hot chocolate milk, since milk does make up for my calcium quota for the month.

4. Cheesecake :
Need I say more? Serotonin's already peeking from it's hidey hole.

5. TLC :
This one time, I felt super weepy and down. So I went and found my husband. Then I got a blanket and cuddled up to him. He happily obliged and I promptly fell asleep without moving for a few hours. Read point 1 again.

6. Read a good book :
A nice hot cup of chai to go with it won't hurt either. Again, stay away from murders, horrors, zombies and anything else that might be disturbing. 

7. Put off all decisions :
Unless someone's dying,in which case, find someone to make the decision for you. You cant decide what flavor juice you want right now, so making life altering decisions can be, well, life altering.

8. Watch a movie :
And make sure it's something happy. Like Madagascar, or When Harry Met Sally or Despicable Me get my drift. Stick to animations, you can never go wrong.
Works wonders when used in combination with points 3, 4 and 5.

9. Stay away from bright lights and sounds :
It wont do any good to your already messed up head. It's like Alice in Umbrella Corp lock-down in there.

10. If all else fails :
Sit down and have a good cry. Then get up and take a hot bath. The wonders of a nice, hot shower are truly undermined.

Yup. That'll get you through the rest of the day.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The 'F' Word.


You dirty mind, you.

It doesn't change the fact that it's just as offensive as the other F word.

It my world, every festival includes the following:
* The mad rush to make murukkus, laddus and gulab jamun. Three days in advance.
*Waking up at un-Godly hours those three days.
*Me, inevitably waking up a good 3-4 hours late, all three days.
*Incurring the wrath/ annoyance/ impatience and finally acceptance by my mother-in-law.
*My husband desperately making excuses for me, trying to save his ass and mine.

This happens without fail, on all the two dozen festivals Hindus have every year. In the same exact order.
On the day of the actual festival though, I am always the one wondering what the whole point is.
Does leaving my hair open really cause bad luck? Does not having a bindi on cause problems in my marriage? And why call all the ladies home and give them stuff? What's wrong with the color black? Or white for that matter.
I know the point, but I don't get the logic. It's like a mindless thing I'm used to doing, because we did it forever.
I believe in a lot of things, but then I also don't believe in a lot of things. I know there's a solution, but I don't have the guts to implement it. So I do the only one thing I can, try and balance the situation.
Of course, festivals are an excellent reason for people to come together. I made up on many a failed relationship on account of Diwali, Dusshera and what have you. That final harmony after all the madness is probably the only thing that keeps me going year after year.

When someone said 'ignorance is bliss', they really weren't kidding.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Taedium Vitae *sigh*

So I walked into the kitchen today and was immediately assaulted by this strong smell of guava and camphor. Weird.
Guess what it really was -

Guava and Camphor.

Imagine my surprise.
Yes, I am the genius that states the obvious.

*Lame rant ends*

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Bloody Sparkling Confetti

I remember what I was 17 something, I sat in the office pantry on New Year's eve with two other girls. I was working part time then, my life was fairly simple. My biggest challenge was to get my dad to agree to me getting a mobile phone. I didn't even know what a shopping spree was. I was also super skinny and wanted to put on weight. The good old days! *sigh*

Now where was I..yeah, the office pantry with two other girls. One of them went on to become my best friend. The other one grew up to be extremely insecure and bitchy.
So there we were, late teenagers, spending New Year's eve sitting around with nothing else to do. The bitchy one suggested that we get a cake, I wasn't into cake cutting celebrations, still am not. It's like trying to compensate the lack of everything else. We looked into what we achieved that year (yes, even 17 year olds think they have things to achieve).
So cleared our +2, we got a job (part-time that it was) and we managed to start our graduation at the same time. We still figured that was something missing. Something very important.


Yes, boyfriends were important then. It meant we got to go out a lot. It meant we had a life. I mean, imagine the kind of influences we had. Sheesh!

So that day, we vowed that we would meet at the same place the next year, albeit, with our boyfriends.
I never thought too much of what we discussed that night.
The New Year came and went. We started college with gusto and cleared our first year of graduation with success. We also adjusted fairly well into our new job. I made a new bff and she remains my bff to this day. An eventful year followed and a lot of successes came after. It's funny how our priorities change and how life steers us to directions we never thought we'd go towards. We become different people, our opinions mature. I remember that day very clearly, because, that was the first time I made a habit of reflecting on my life every New year's eve. I plan my year ahead and try to be at a place I want to be.

And oh, just for the record, I did end up partying with my boyfriend on the New Year's eve that followed.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Yeah, let the Sky Fall

Let me put this out there. I love music. And I certainly didn't expect a 23 year old to compose the title of a Bond movie.
But Adele did justice and honestly, I watched the movie twice just to listen to the track (in spite of downloading it and listening to it on repeat). Oh, the familiarity and the newness of it all.

Secondly, why the hell was a guy like Javier Bardem looking like the cat got to him and shook him up?
Bad hair - check
Face in pieces - check
Obsession with rats - check

My expectation from a Bond movie reduced drastically when I heard that Daniel Craig is being cast as Bond, few years ago. He is not the Bond, period. I realize they wanted to get someone with a face that hasn't been branded already, but I don't appreciate Angelina's perennial pout on a guy. His style looks practiced, though that goes to say he did what he could to play Bond convincingly. When I watch Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan get pally or up close with someone on screen, I WANT to be that person. With Craig? Not so much.
What happened to all the gadgets? I know Q says they don't make exploding pens anymore, but that's what made Bond so much fun. He saved the day using exploding pens and key-chains! Craig only gets a palm-print sensing gun, which he promptly loses and a radio transmitter.
Poor Severine didn't seem to have planned her day very well and ends up dying. Talk about all eggs in one basket. I did like the good agent gone rogue bit, and not because Demi Moore did exactly the same in Charlie's Angels. Yes, I used James Bond and Charlie's Angels in the same context. Sue me, it's just old wine in a different bottle. The old wine is given a lot of importance in the movie anyway with M insisting that the old fashioned ways work best with the enemies that come from the shadows (atleast, that's what I think). Now don't you dare call an old woman 'old'. She'll rinse your mouth with soap.
After all the mouth rinsing and defending the dinosaurs, M actually dies. What the hell! I thought that wasn't the point of this movie. His one mission was to save her and she dies of a freaking bullet to the leg. At this point, I was a little confused. The ending reminded me of Battleship, when they use an old relic to win the war, leaving the relic thoroughly destroyed. But atleast in Battleship, they actually won the battle.

I liked that Bond is portrayed as the rising-from-the-ashes hero and struggles to get though the typical Bond day. It just shows that everyone has skeletons and needs to fight their personal battles. But maybe they humanized him a little too much.
Nevertheless, I grew up listening to how awesome 007 is and probably wouldn't mind sitting though another episode of his awesomeness.