Friday, May 10, 2013

To Stay On Or To Stick It.

I am a drifter.

I'm not a quitter, mind you. But a drifter.
I remember changing at least five schools as a kid. My sense of not 'belonging' anywhere started as a kid. So, I don't have that lifelong kin-ship you would have with your school mates, because you spent all your formative years together. I mean, you would know when J pooped his pants and H would eat nose-boogers. And yet, you see them now, doing what they are as grown-ups, no matter how much they changed, they would still be your chaddi-buddies in its true sense.

I think, I carried that feeling of being an alien all my life. My friends would be sharing an inside joke, that everyone knew and I would have no idea what it meant, and I wouldn't mind either. I don't think anyone intended to alienate me, but it just happened. So now, I am prepared to not 'belong'. I carried that attitude through college, through my first job, my second job, my see the trend.

I did make lasting relationships along the way, I pick the people I am around very carefully. But maybe, that's the exact habit I need to let go.
The first decision I make when I start new at someplace is, "I'm gonna stick around for so-and-so months. And then, I'm gonna move there". And because that has been my intention the whole while, it ends up happening anyway.

So now, here, though the work is crazy and people are hard to reason with, I'm going to try and stay on. I've quit jobs for the silliest of reasons. So imagine when the going gets tough. I actually get going, just that it's out the door.

I've already planned on giving interviews, pulling a few connections etc. etc. This morning, I was woken up by a call for an interview I would have attended just for kicks. But I told them I already had a job, not looking for a 'change'. Instead of walking out on drama, like someone said - I'm just going to wait for the jerks to quit.

I think this post is a reality check. I have no need to belong, but I think I should. Everyone should know what it is like to 'belong'. It isn't a need, it is a luxury. With the kind of lives we live, where no one is anybody, it's only right that you know somebody. That you know the people in the place where you live, where you work and where you eat.

P.S. I'm still miles away from getting pally with my neighbors next door. That's just asking for trouble.