Wednesday, February 25, 2015

I'm 27! Or 28? Fuck.

This is going to be one whiny post. If you're that person who's always happy and shiny, please excuse yourself from this page. Also, please see a shrink.

Today is my birthday, 26th or 27th one I think. I stopped counting when I turned 19. True to being a Pisces, I've always hated attention, even if it came on my birthday. Each time, I would struggle to hide away and have a quiet celebration at home or go out with only a select set of people I'm very comfortable with. I mean, to me it's just another day. I existed yesterday, I will exist today and I will tomorrow as well, so what's all the fuss about? That's always my take on birthdays.

Until now.

For the first time, I was well and truly alone when the clock struck 12 (no, my family did not abandon me, I moved to a different country). There was no one I could sit with and bitch about the previous year. In person at least, my phone on the other hand was having violent seizures.

Birthdays are special people. It is the day you came into being. The cause for all the effect. It's needs to be celebrated. Not super extravagantly or anything, unless you're into that kind of thing. If nothing, at least have a pity party and a quiet drink. Like I did. And then write about it.

Like I did.

If you're lucky, you may actually have the strength to get through the day without feeling the pressure to make it amazing. Special only in your heart and in the hearts of those who matter.

As for me, today, for the first time, I feel alone.

So alone.

P.S. I know it's just a state of mind blah, blah, yada, yada. I get to have the feels once in a while, ok?

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Bloody, Sparkling Confetti - Part 4

In accordance to the long standing tradition, New Year 2015 warrants another post on what I did on the eve of December 31st 2014. If you're wondering what I'm going on about, read this, this and this.
That being said, I won't blame you if you don't. I'm surprised you're even here, reading this non-sense.

So yeah, we made massive plans, given this could be my last NYE in India for a while, but more on that later.
This time, I had no sense of morbidity like in NYE 2013. Remember the whole rape-epidemic that started late 2012 in India and is still an on-going fight? I do not say this lightly, but it destroyed year 2013 for me. Everywhere I turned there was more hell for women kind. Yeah, I'm a little sensitive but it's no simple first world problem.

Anywhoo, I got though the negativity, bounced back and focused on my life and 2013 got easier as it ended. NYE 2014 was a blast.
NYE 2015 is really nothing to write home about. We went to yet another party at a popular resort, danced the night away. The music was truly epic and that's all I ever need. I wasn't drunk, so probably must be getting old.

At some point, I was just going through the motions, not living in the moment and just waiting for something to happen. Things just don't have that lasting impression on me anymore. I was looking for that one moment when the night would turn into something special.

So what did I learn this NYE? Big celebrations don't matter. Ad-mist all the noise and revelry, the tiny, tiny moment when you hug your partner (assuming you're in a relationship, and a happy one at that) or your friend is what matters. I remember a time when it was nothing short of mandatory to celebrate all major life events in a grand way. These days, I just want to be with the people I love. That's grand enough for me.

Yup, I really am turning into a wise old hag. I learnt that too.

P.S. - If you didn't realise already, NYE = New Year's Eve. Idjit.