Bloody, Sparkling Confetti - Part 3

This post has been looong pending.
I've somehow kept up over the last two years with updating what I did/ didn't do for the New Year's eve. I gotta say, the welcoming of New Year 2014 has been the best yet. Why, you ask? Lets go over a quick check list.

Partied away from my home city? - Check
Partied all night? - Check
Kick-ass fireworks when the clock stuck 12? - Check
Hugged the love of your life at 12? - Check
Danced till 6 am? - Check

There were a few side affects to all this of course. Hubby had to fend off all the men and ladies *gasp* hitting on me the whole time. But considering that we were in Goa, everything that happens there is the new 'normal'. Then, there was this horrible aching in my feet the whole of that week, and returning to work was a terrible ordeal in itself.

When I look back at the Part 2 of this post, I am not very surprised at how morbid I sounded a year ago. Miserable that I felt, I did move on. The world is a bad place and there is little space for the honest to live in. But that does not mean we give up. We fight the good fight and hope for the best. There are still days where I feel I've hit rock bottom but I look around and see the ones I love. That is reason enough to wake up everyday and give it another shot.

2013 has been a year of successes and let downs, just like every year. And so, that is exactly what I am prepared for this year as well. After all, what is life without some sugar and spice? Though, as an after thought - more of sugar, less of spice please, thanks very much.

P.S. - I still can't get over how grown-up I sound!

I Am A Big Girl Now. I Think.

I've been gone so long. There is no excuse. Well there is - Life.
Life is my excuse.

That being said, I'm back. For the time being at least..

So much has happened over the last few months. I settled nicely into the new job. I even finished a whole year here. Looking at this post, I was pretty sure I'd have another job on my resume within weeks, no matter how optimistic that post sounded. But I stayed, so hooray!

But the point of this post is to note how far I've come. Besides, it's the end of another year, what else is there to do? The difference dawned on me when my organisation hired a bunch of trainees right out of college. I realized I was looking down my nose on them and was super annoyed by their enthusiasm. Yes, annoyed because they had so much energy. Maturity, not so much.

So I've decided to make a list of things that prove that I'm no longer the-little-girl-trying-to-act-grown-up but am rather quickly on my way to turning into an old hag.

1) I've gotten used to being comfortable. There was a time when I used to get fidgety in about 5 seconds, but now the boredom is just replaced with comfort in routine. Scary, I know.

2) Loud music hurts my head sometimes. My younger self would dance all day, everyday to any kind of music. But now, your's truly needs the following for enjoy herself at a night out - right kind of drinks, the right crowd, the right ambiance, the right lighting, the right music, the right company, the right DJ..you get the point right?

3) The ideal way to spend my evening would be with a ...hold your breath - A book.

You may now exhale.

4) I have absolutely NO time for anything. A massage, a sudden meeting with a friend, or any activity that is not planned a few weeks in advance. It's a straight up, simple 'no'. Any free time I have is spent as per point # 3 mentioned above.

5) I am perfectly alright spending the night in my jammies and a sweatshirt, cuddled up on the sofa, on a Saturday! There was a time when that horrified me. I would worry about my Saturday night plans starting right from Monday morning. Now I don't make my Saturday night plans, even on a Saturday. That being said, I am still dragged to parties and I'm constantly looking at my phone for an excuse to cop out of them.

6) Movies bore me. I've seen them all. Movie plots seem to repeat themselves in an endless loop and I couldn't be bothered to see if this one's any different.

7) Every time I see an early-20-something-somebody act cocky, I don't react. I just wait for them to trip on their own laces 'cos I know exactly what's coming at them next. I also realize this is how the world felt when I was an early-20-something-somebody. *insert smug look here*

8) I am excellent at make-up. Enough said.

9) 'Fun' is replaced by just being happy. I truly value the feeling of 'peace'. It's hard to come by and if it does, it doesn't last long.

10) And lastly, I have only a handful of people I call friends and family. Everyone else has simply been eliminated by vices.

All this boils down to one thing - I am happy. Not satisfed, but happy.

I'm still not okay with little girls calling me 'aunty'.Thankfully, no one has started to. Yet.

P.S. I still love shopping till I'm broke. I said I've grown up, not transitioned into a man. Lets not get carried away.

To Stay On Or To Stick It.

I am a drifter.

I'm not a quitter, mind you. But a drifter.
I remember changing at least five schools as a kid. My sense of not 'belonging' anywhere started as a kid. So, I don't have that lifelong kin-ship you would have with your school mates, because you spent all your formative years together. I mean, you would know when J pooped his pants and H would eat nose-boogers. And yet, you see them now, doing what they are as grown-ups, no matter how much they changed, they would still be your chaddi-buddies in its true sense.

I think, I carried that feeling of being an alien all my life. My friends would be sharing an inside joke, that everyone knew and I would have no idea what it meant, and I wouldn't mind either. I don't think anyone intended to alienate me, but it just happened. So now, I am prepared to not 'belong'. I carried that attitude through college, through my first job, my second job, my third..you see the trend.

I did make lasting relationships along the way, I pick the people I am around very carefully. But maybe, that's the exact habit I need to let go.
The first decision I make when I start new at someplace is, "I'm gonna stick around for so-and-so months. And then, I'm gonna move there". And because that has been my intention the whole while, it ends up happening anyway.

So now, here, though the work is crazy and people are hard to reason with, I'm going to try and stay on. I've quit jobs for the silliest of reasons. So imagine when the going gets tough. I actually get going, just that it's out the door.

I've already planned on giving interviews, pulling a few connections etc. etc. This morning, I was woken up by a call for an interview I would have attended just for kicks. But I told them I already had a job, not looking for a 'change'. Instead of walking out on drama, like someone said - I'm just going to wait for the jerks to quit.

I think this post is a reality check. I have no need to belong, but I think I should. Everyone should know what it is like to 'belong'. It isn't a need, it is a luxury. With the kind of lives we live, where no one is anybody, it's only right that you know somebody. That you know the people in the place where you live, where you work and where you eat.



P.S. I'm still miles away from getting pally with my neighbors next door. That's just asking for trouble.

And then, cognizance dawned

Three non-consequential things have happened this month. And because all things non-consequential need to be apprised to the world, I am going to do just that.

So, firstly, I watched Les Miserables.

Les Miserables, like all musicals was good. Very good. Though I did see quite a few guys walk out because they couldn't take so much, how should I put this..drama? And probably because watching fully grown men singing things, instead of just saying them might have threatened their own manhood. It was a perfect Sunday night movie and though hubby said he hated it, I'm thinking he secretly liked it. Don't tell him I said that.
Of course, I think the next few days we're going say all our sentences in a song. I realized things like 'I just woke up and I want you to make teaaaaa' sounded much better in a loud, tune-less sing song voice. And of course, like they say, my voice could be much worse than my problems.

Coming to the next point, I think my husband has mastered the art of managing women. I was watching 'The Mentalist' with my better half reluctantly perched on the sofa, when I saw Patrick Jane vocally admiring the tea he was given. "Clove and honey..mmmm...delicious", he said. And then, I had this sudden urge to drink clove and honey tea. Because I had both honey and clove at hand, I went and made some. I loved it. I did offer a nice cupful to the better half of mine who drank it wordlessly.
The next day, when it was my turn to make tea, "Honey and clove?", I asked, excitedly.

"It's ummm..too exotic.", said the husband, with a contrite look on his face.

Nice save, mister.

Lastly, I spent the last one year trying to whip my body cycle into that of a normal person. But it wouldn't have any of it. I spent sleepless mornings, awake as a dying frog, trying to force myself to sleep at night. And then, sometime in December last year, I turned into a diurnal person, doing a regular 9 to 6 work shifts. As luck would have it, I've been thrown again into night shifts and I was thinking my body would go into a roller-coaster ride again, trying to adjust.

Not.

I was awake as a baby on steroids on my first night in shift.
People have, for years, been terrified of waking me up early in the morning 'cos I'm such a joy and take pleasure in biting their heads off when they do. It all makes sense now. I realized I never was and never will be a morning person

God Bless the Queen. And King. And everybody else.